Closure and Commemoration

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Bringing closure to this tragedy is healthy and necessary. There will be a time when the grief has lessened, and it's important to commemorate the life of this special child who shared your life and the lives of your students.

For many children, honoring their friend needs to be a tangible experience. One way you can begin this commemoration is to move the dead child's desk away from the others and make it a special place for students to go. If the child who used this desk like to draw or write, for example, turn the desk into a creative center where children can go to write stories or poems and draw illustrations. The parents of the deceased child may even allow you to keep their child's markers, crayons, etc. to use in this special place. This is one way for the children to remain connected to their friend.

As always, ask your students for suggestions for ways to celebrate their friend and classmate's life. Following are some suggestions for commemoration that might be appropriate for your classroom. A small ceremony planned in conjuction with these suggestions may be a special way to say goodbye.

Make a friendship quilt compiled of happy memories of the special child. You might want to present this to the child's parents. This is a gift they would always treasure.
Plant a tree or a bed of flowers. Tending to the growth for new life can be very healing.
Dedicate a bench to be placed on school grounds.
Send up balloons. (Note: Due to environmental concerns, some school systems frown on this.)
Donate books to the school library in the child's memory.
Dedicate a page of the school yearbook in the child's memory.
Make a monetary donation to the cancer society, for example, or the organization associated with the illness your special child confronted.
Revised the initial memory book, bind it, and add it to your classroom library.
Make a time capsule compiled of donations from each child in memory of their special friend. Decide a date to open.

However you and your students choose to reach closure, the experience should be positive and reinforcing. While recognizing that you will always miss this special child, it's important to celebrate the time you had together.

Involving the parents of the child you are remembering in your plans is important. While attending a small ceremony to plant a special tree may be too painful for some parents, for others it may be chance to remember once again with the children who shared their child's life. Parents should at least be given the opportunity to decide. If there are siblings in the school, an invitation could be extended to them as well.

In commemoration as in greiving and understanding, there are no easy answers...

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